The big "C" : the Beast named Nawi

I have a strong family history of Cancer. Particularly from my Mother's side. My grandmother died of Leukemia, my aunt was diagnosed with colon cancer as well as few other relatives. 

Besides rusty furniture, gemstones and his watch collection, there is nothing my father loves more than food . When he started losing weight, we knew something was off. He lost his appetite to eat, spends more time on the bed sleeping and he cuts off his social life. We thought he went into depression. He showed all symptoms of depression. He was moody and unfriendly. A Beast to be exact!

One day, I received a call from mom saying that Dad could not control his bladder, he shiver until the whole bed was shaky, he had high fever, his body and eyes were yellow! We brought him to a private hospital. Sadly, they refused to treat him because he was critically ill and he had no medical history at the hospital. I was so frustrated but there was nothing much we could do but to move him to a government hospital where his records are kept.

He was treated by Gastro Specialists. They spotted problems around his bile duct area. Specifically, a narrowing of his bile duct. For months, specialists could not find the root cause of his problem. He had to go through numerous times of ERCP procedures to put stents at his bile duct. This is to create a better pathway for the bile to run through his bile duct to the liver. The procedure was done through his mouth and each time, he came out from the OT with a bloody nose, mouth and an irritated throat. But hear me this, he never once complained. It was bad and I can only imagine how much he suffered. This went on for more than 6 months, still...no root cause and the stent kept slipping out from his bile duct. They had to repeat the same procedure over and over again. He felt a little better after each treatment but he kept getting back his fever. We were unhappy that his symptoms persists and knew that we had to try harder to cure him. Finally, the Dr. suggested that we take him for a second opinion at Selayang hospital.

A new chapter begins at Selayang hospital. They immediately suspected that something was wrong with his liver which could have caused the narrowing of his bile duct, his bloated stomach and his yellow skin. They were right. His liver shrunk. Now, no wonder Selayang is known for their liver specialists! Next thing we know, they suggested for my dad to go through a major surgery to remove part of his liver and to create a new "Highway" for his bile. That was how the Dr explained it in Layman.

No surgery is done without risk. At his age, the surgery was life threatening but we felt that he should go for it. It was a risk but chances of surviving was higher compared to non surgery. No surgery confirms death at that point. The Dr had to make sure that he fully understands the risks, the post surgery struggle and recovery. The Dr wanted to reassure his decision. She asked him "En.Nawi, tell me..how long more do you want to live?" My dad said, "10 years or more..I want to see my grandchildren grow up". There and then the Dr said " Ok En. Nawi..then we must proceed with the surgery. Most of my patients answered "Few more years" but you uncle, YOU have the spirit to survive. Let's do this together". My dad smiled and left the consultation room in full confidence.

Getting ready for surgery

It's the moment of truth. Dad went into surgery. We waited anxiously. It was supposed to be an 8 hours surgery but it was way longer, it felt like a year! A lot of things went into my head, my eyes started to water and then the OT door slides open. There he was with a THUMBS up and a BIG smile to reassure us that he was fine. It was a major relief. My anxiety wear off. I no longer need my Ventolin puffs on standby. It was the beginning of a road to recovery...and so I thought.

On the same day, the Dr called us to update on the result of surgery. My sister was outside with my niece. So, It was only Mom and me. The moment I saw the Dr's face, I knew something was not right. They found a tumor in his liver and very likely Malignant (cancerous). This is not an exaggeration but I literally did not hear anything after that. It felt like a nuclear landed on my head. My head went blank. I literally died for a second and then Mom started crying. I came back to reality. I did not drop a single tear. I was trying to be tough for mom and consoled her but the moment the Dr left, I stepped out from NICU, made sure mom was not around and I cried....and cried. After a while, I went back in to kiss my dad and he asked, "Is everything alright?" I nodded, gave a thumbs up and said "You made it pa" with a smile on my face. He then smiled in relief.

The Dr advised us to keep the news to ourselves until his full recovery. Not to hide it from him but to keep him positive. So we did. I remember crying and getting myself prepared for the worst but believe me, none can prepare for such thing. Nevertheless, his positive and full spirits made it much easier for us. No doubt, there were tough times when he almost wanted to give up but with support, he got back on his feet and fought hard. I remember giving him motivation for his physio, like a mother seeing her child's first steps "Yes pa. you can do it pa! few more steps. Wow! so proud of you!"

It was great seeing his effort. Such feeling that you get after watching a motivational movies/videos where adrenaline rushed through your body, your heart pumping and hands clapping out of excitement like a kid in Disneyland.

Dad had his gloomy days. He even said he wanted to stop fighting. I remember forcing him to do his physio so hard that I felt so bad and went to the hallway to cry and calm myself down. Honestly, it was tough but I am glad I was by his side for support.

Post surgery. Road to recovery

The decision to quit my job was the wisest ever. With the support of my husband, the decision was made overnight. We discussed about our financial but he told me not to worry. I knew it would be a struggle but it was something I had to do or I will forever punish myself. My husband insisted that I follow my heart and I did. I could not thank you enough for your support, Farez. 

My father survived his battle. At his age, I would say it is a miracle. He has been cancer free for more than a year now. Dr even said that his liver is growing healthily He is back to his normal life of tossai breakfast, gardening, vintage shopping and saying hello to everyone in the neighborhood. He is now sharing his miracle story with everyone he meets while carrying his complimentary scar to confirm his story.

Our 1st Tossai date post surgery, Cancer FREE!

After 1 year+ of cancer free environment, we recently received a devastating news that my mother's breast biopsy result came back positive for Breast cancer. Nevertheless, she is lucky as she caught it early and did not have to go through radiotherapy/chemotherapy (I will share more about my mom's Breast Cancer story in my other post).

After all that I have been through, I cant stop thinking "I could be next" which puts me into depression.I started getting obsessed with even the slightest symptoms of any illnesses. I would start googling and next thing I know, I am already writing my will and kissing my son like its our last night together!

Whatever it is, I am more conscious on my choices and health. Prevention is better than cure. I started reading about cancer prevention and started eating cancer prevention super foods like brocolli, berries, etc.

I am currently living each day like its my last and spending quality time with my son and family. Remember, our parents is not here forever. Appreciate them while you still can and do not be afraid to show your love.

Love,

Gja